crying

I noticed today how difficult it really is for me to cry. Men are often stereotyped as unemotional beings. I'm not sure if it's something in our DNA or simply the unfortunate and traditional idea that men are supposed to represent strength, and strength doesn't cry. Today, I discovered that I must first make the conscious decision to cry, or the tears never have a chance. I attended a conference on church leadership (telecasted to over 54,000 leaders around the world). During one of the sessions, images of human depravity and starvation were boldly projected on the screen. These images were incredibly powerful, and I was deeply disturbed at the thought of world hunger. And I found that this is the way the emotional process works for me: First, I acknowledge, on an intellectual level, that the subject I am seeing is an emotional matter. Second, I allow myself to bypass intellect temporarily to see if emotion is present within me. Third, my intellect returns and I make the decision of whether or not to allow the emotion within me to take physical form. Fourth, I cry.

It's very easy for me to complete the first two steps -- to recognize the emotional nature of something and to feel it stir within me. But, for some reason, the third step can be incredibly difficult. Without realizing it, I often decide not to allow emotion to pour out from within my heart. It is very comfortable to seal it up within me. Others won't notice me. I won't risk embarrassment. But I don't want that. I believe that strength and emotion are not at odds. Today, I made the decision to let it come out. It felt freeing and right.